So, Now You Want In?

Here is a juicy rumor to invigorate your likely boring and dreadful Monday. According to people who are supposedly in the know, Roy Oswalt now would be delighted to join the New York Mets.

This, for those of you who don't remember, is the same guy who previously had mild interest at best because he a) wanted to pitch for a winner and b) wasn't a "New York kind of guy."

In simpler terms, he didn't want to pitch here because "you guys suck."

Well, it's funny how a few drinks can make me look attractive, and it's also funny how winning 8 of 9 to move within a game and a half of first place can change someones perception of a team - or in this case, a city. Roy Oswalt, a guy who purportedly doesn't like New York would suddenly be delighted to be under the bright and claustrophobic lights?

I only kid. I know New York is not for everyone. It's nothing I will take personally, nor should you.

BUT, that said, miraculously, now Oswalt has changed his mind. He is enamoured, or at least intrigued, by the "veteran fiber" of the Mets squad. This is presumably opposed to how he felt two weeks ago - appalled and scared by the Mets ineptitude.

Feeling the conditional love yet?

In the shocker of the day, Oswalt is said to be unhappy that he's pitching for a AAA team. Yet, contrary to cliches, beggers can be choosers. Because not only does Roy Oswalt have the authority to play god regarding which team he thinks is good enough for his brilliance, he will also be paid like one.

But, as a reminder (in case your attention span is as short as mine) he will only pitch for the Mets if they are a contender. So, logically, the Mets can't lose 8 of their next 9 or else Roy Oswalt will once again be, well, not a "big city kind of guy."

Don't mistake the sarcasm, though. Roy Oswalt is absolutely the real deal and I could care less whether he likes it here as long as he pitches the Mets deep into October, therefore making the ridiculous investment worthwhile.

But here is real hinge as I see it. The Houston Astros, because of the fact that this guy has been their franchise pitcher seemingly forever, have an inflated and unrealistic view of what his trade value really is.

Translation?

Though you love your son dearly, and though I'm sure he is a wonderful kid, there is a very good chance that he isn't the best little leaguer, the top of his 4th grade class, and the future president of the United States all rolled up into one.


-Tom Greenhalgh (6/14/10)