12 Million Reasons

If I had to choose between punching Oliver Perez in the face repeatedly and "going on a date" with Marisa Miller, (let's keep it PG) I would heavily consider punching Oliver Perez in the face. On second thought...I would go on the "date" with Marisa Miller. Though I love my girlfriend dearly, even she realizes how insanely gorgeous Marisa is. (Disclaimer - if you're reading this baby, it doesn't mean you're not gorgeous too.) Point being, Oliver Perez needs to be punched in the face. A lot. There are 12 million reasons for it.

I suggest that when the Mets return home to play Florida this weekend that the fans make a stand. While Oliver is busy rotting away in the right field bullpen, he shall be pelted with miscellaneous objects - hot dogs, quarters, batteries (because who didn't love the J.D. Drew treatment?). The beauty of it? Oliver doesn't have the command to hit you back - or the velocity for it to hurt.

Yes, maybe you'll be escorted from Citi Field but it would most certainly be to the cheers of thousands. You'll have a story to tell your grandchildren - the time you proved you have better command than the Mets 25th guy. Maybe they'll finally dump Oliver Perez and say, "hey, even certain fans would give us a better chance to win."

Then again, I'm only kidding. I'm sure he is a wonderful, team-oriented individual (insert Borat "NOT" joke).


-Tom Greenhalgh (6/2/10)